His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
