You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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