And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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