im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
