I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
