I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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