Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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