just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
