Can i not drive my cunt home
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
