If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
