I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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