it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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