I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
