my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
