fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
