I can text with my tongue
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I'm really busy with my period
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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