New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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