She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
