His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
