Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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