ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm too high and old for this...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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