you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
