What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
