yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
