Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
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