you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
