Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
