It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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