Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
