i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
