Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
