I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I need a hoe opinion
go on
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
