I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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