I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
