O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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