why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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