i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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