I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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