I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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