SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
