my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
