We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So apparently I’m into choking now
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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