i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
