Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
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