We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
