She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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