I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
