You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
