I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I touched a dick in church today
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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