So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
