I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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