Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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