I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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